My spirituality seems stuck, a frozen snapshot of an instant in time that will not move no matter how much I try to will it. I continue to walk in slow baby steps - verse by verse, prayer by prayer. I keep reminding myself that I should not chase a feeling, I should not chase that fleeting jerk of the heart as an insight previously unseen blooms from between the pages of my Bible or works outwards of my shifting, shuffling and uneasy prayers.
Instead, just obedience. Simple, unadorned and dreadfully boring obedience. Prayer by prayer, verse by verse, kindness by kindness.
God rests His hand on my shoulders. He sees me, I know this. He feels my tense impatience as a struggle to cultivate joyous contentment in this life He's gifted me. I am so childish, so much like a child who wishes to rush, only tempered only slowed by that heavy hand on the shoulder.
Lord, help me help me help me.
2 comments:
I read this when you originally published it and read it again today. Boring Obedience is such a great title. I'm at a conference right now and I'm really excited about the opportunities God is providing for me while I'm here. But soon I go back to normal, real life. The life with a million mundane tasks. The life where I will get to choose boring obedience as I follow God in those mundane tasks. The life where I get to walk in the way of love by caring for my husband in the unsexy ways like making sure I only put dirty dishes in one side of the sink because his life is less stressful that way. Or choosing to keep quiet when I really want to talk but know he needs a break. And I get to love my daughter by changing her diaper and picking up legos. And then I can choose to obey God in the little things like spending regular time with Him and taking ownership of my health. I know he won't trust me with big things if I'm not faithful in the little things. And I know that even if he never gives me big things, I will continue to serve him in the little things. I'm not looking forward to the mundane, but your post reminds me that there is grace in the mundane. That God is in the mundane.
Aaaah yes, amen. You know what I'm talking about. It doesn't that I've hit a blogging brick wall here lately. :/ Thank you for the encouragement, though!
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